The myth of the strong personality

The image of a “strong personality” able to handle any hardship is an ideal we are taught to strive for from early childhood. We often demand from ourselves unshakable willpower, the ability to endure any challenge, and to never show weakness – not to cry, not to voice dissatisfaction, not to complain. Yet behind this outer resilience often lies excessive rigidity and self-criticism, the suppression of feelings, and a fear of change.

Inner strength is not about stoically withstanding all trials – it’s about the ability to acknowledge your vulnerabilities and to love and accept yourself unconditionally in any state. Today, psychological flexibility is becoming a far more valuable resource than the traditional “strong personality” ideal. ELLE O’zbekiston explores the role psychological flexibility plays in personal growth and how to develop this quality.

Understanding the concept

Psychological flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances while staying connected to yourself and your core values. It involves accepting difficult emotions, such as fear or sadness, without avoiding them, but instead experiencing them mindfully. It also means being able to adjust your behavior strategies depending on the situation while remaining true to yourself and your values, rather than conforming to societal norms or expectations.

Unlike the traditional concept of “inner strength,” which is rooted in control, endurance, and suppression of feelings, flexibility is a form of “soft power” that allows you to stay balanced even in uncertainty. It is this quality that helps preserve mental health, build mature relationships, and move forward despite stress, fear, and setbacks.

Why it matters

The most important aspect of psychological flexibility is the commitment to listening to yourself despite obstacles. Developing it allows you to face life’s challenges without constant internal tension. This is especially important in a world where circumstances, expectations, and social roles change more frequently than ever. A flexible person can distinguish between temporary trends and true values, accept feelings without self-criticism, and choose actions based on genuine desires rather than fear or external pressure. Without this ability, people often fall into ineffective behavioral patterns – tolerating poor treatment or neglecting their own needs to please others. Over time, this leads to anxiety and a noticeable decline in quality of life. Psychological flexibility, on the other hand, allows us to adapt and grow, despite hardships and societal pressures.

photo: Mauri Studio, pexels

How to develop psychological flexibility: 5 practical tips

1. Cultivate mindfulness

Regularly observe your thoughts and emotions without trying to change them – this is the first step toward flexibility. The more attentively you relate to your inner world, the easier it will be to respond consciously to what’s happening around you – for example, no longer tolerating violations of your personal boundaries out of fear of showing “weakness.” Accepting unpleasant emotions and understanding their nature helps build self-connection. Keeping an emotions journal can be particularly helpful.

2. Define your values

What truly matters to you? What do you want – not your loved ones, not friends, not relatives, but you? The answers to these questions help you make decisions based on deep personal motives rather than trying to fit into societal expectations. Understanding your values becomes your main compass, even in unstable times, and helps you move forward despite external challenges.

photo: Book Hut, pexels

3. Act despite difficulties

When faced with discomfort, don’t simply endure it. Even if you feel fear, insecurity, or apathy, take a small step toward an important goal. Each such effort strengthens your inner support system and your ability to stand up for your boundaries.

4. Work on self-criticism

Learn to distinguish between constructive thoughts and destructive self-talk. A supportive internal dialogue helps maintain resilience in challenging situations and keeps you from abandoning your goals out of fear of failure.

5. Broaden your perspective

Train yourself to view situations from different angles and let go of generalizations. For example, instead of automatically thinking “everything is bad,” ask: “What else could I think about this?” or “How might I see this in a week or a year?” The ability to shift perspective prevents you from getting stuck in extremes and helps you respond more thoughtfully, preserving your inner harmony.